Eternal Binding of the Soul
by eyes2blues
Summary: [one shot] great! Tooya would be a normal mortal man living with Aya and their son Aki. but the cost of it? the life of a beloved


"Eternal binding of the Soul"  
  
By: Lexie-chan  
  
Would you believe it? I've been praying to God. Every single day and night. I've been asking him the same old wish without fail. You see, I've been busy fighting my grief into dominating my mind and heart. I knew I was dying.  
  
Sooner or later.  
  
I was afraid of death. I was really scared. I knew that my death would mean the forever separation of us, the family I've been dreaming of for so long.  
  
It's funny.  
  
I thought being alone in this world was the best thing for me to live life peacefully but Aya proved it wrong. She made me realized that I wasn't living for peace but for yearning. yearning of love and understanding. I was empty from the start.  
  
That is why meeting Aya brought me to reality. She showed me something that I wasn't aware of having. She gave me an unexplainable happiness especially now that our son was born.  
  
That's another thing. Having my own child hurt me more than ever. I love him so much. There's no doubt about it! But knowing that the string of life connecting me to the living was slowly burning out, it just takes my happiness away bringing me to the grave of tears and pains I wanted to escape so badly. It's really a sad reality. I sure hope I could somehow change the course of destiny I'm in to and just let me live together with my beloved.  
  
Aya's happy now, happy to be having her love ones close to her and I can't believe I would be taking away that same happiness in my grave. I feel so bad that I want to cry and scream. I don't want to leave her nor my son and this world that showed me the sweet agony of life. Although Aya has grown up to be a mature and responsible young lady, that is not enough reason for me to stop fighting my fate. I wouldn't allow her to bear all the sufferings alone because of me. I wouldn't walk away from her life without doing anything.  
  
No.  
  
I would be doing everything just for me to live longer. I haven't even shown her enough love that she really deserves and I refuse to rub her away from life just because I'm gone. I knew I would always be there to protect her from heaven.  
  
But my presence is much more important.  
  
---oOo---  
  
A couple of months later, Aki, our son, was getting bigger each passing day. He's a healthy one year and three months old baby boy and I'm very proud to be the father of this wonderful boy! I'm proud of Aya, too for being a very good mother to him. She showed her love for Aki and to me as well. I don't know how to explain it but by just holding our baby in my arms would already make me complete. I'm a father and a husband.  
  
But not for so long, I must admit.  
  
Not long from now, I would be missing holding the most preciousbeloved in my life.  
  
Aya.  
  
Aki.  
  
My foundation, my everything. I can't understand why life's being so cruel now that I have found 'true' happiness. It's so unfair!  
  
I sighed then went out of bed to sit by the window. I was gazing at the million stars, oblivious to everything around me. Cold breeze soon brushed my face. It's winter soon and must be the time of my death. My time limit on earth's coming to its peak.  
  
I looked at my sleeping angel. This time, she wasn't smiling knowing that my end was very near.  
  
---oOo---  
  
"Wake up Tooya." The voice was the softest of all sound I have ever heard. It was something soothing. It took my pain away.  
  
"Tooya," The voice called again. I woke up and saw Aya, smiling at always. I knew from the start that she was only hiding the pain to the depth of her heart but nevertheless, she always finds time to give a comforting look. It was healing my aching heart.  
  
We looked at each other tenderly.  
  
"Now, now. why did you go down hear to sleep? You might catch a cold," she asked with a worried tone. I was about to tell her that I was actually thinking about her and that I was reminiscing all about our togetherness, not to mention our first meeting, about our relationship and on how she became a wonderful woman. Aside from that, I wanted to tell her that I was also thinking about my death. It's not like I was actually looking forward to it rather, thinking of the things that would happen to the world after I pass away. I wanted to tell her but I knew it would upset her even more so instead, I told her another lie.  
  
"I was thinking about how Aki would someday grow up into a very strong man."  
  
She smiled then caught my hand. "Let's go eat now."  
  
We ate silently then Aki started on crying.  
  
"Oh!" Aya exclaimed then stood up quite immediately. She was about to go to our room but even before she could make a single a step, I caught her hand first, stopping her.  
  
"You stay here and continue your meal. I will attend to his needs instead." I went out the dining hall and proceeded to the room Suzumi provided us. It was big enough for the three of us and we can't thank the Aogiris enough. When I reached the place, I stayed outside a little longer getting myself altogether. I've been very absent minded these days you see.  
  
A couple of minutes more, I slid the door open and saw my son immediately. I picked him up and cradled him in my arms tenderly. He began to calm down and I was very happy that he was not going to be a troublesome child in the future that may probably bring headaches to his mom. I smiled then embraced him tight. He could feel my heartbeat. I know he did. When he was finally asleep, I brought him back to his crib.  
  
Soon after that, a cold but mysterious breeze entered the room. My eyes were hurt so I rubbed them for a moment.  
  
"Oh, this is a beautiful baby boy!"  
  
As an initial reaction, I poised myself into an attacking stance, ready to attack the owner of the peculiar yet familiar voice. Soon enough, a dark blue hair waved in front of me.  
  
Ceres.  
  
"Tooya, nice to see you."  
  
"Ceres?!" I chocked out not believing what I see before me.  
  
"It's been a while Tooya, I know," she whispered in her usual cunning voice. She hadn't changed much instead for her happy and contented face. She must be really happy now that she was able to reconcile with Mikagi who gave her the heart of a real human being.  
  
"And may I ask the purpose of your visit?"  
  
"Tooya, don't be so rude. I have a message for you," Ceres returned leaving my child alone in his crib. She walked in front of me then looked straight to my eyes. It was an upset look.  
  
"Looks like your wish would actually come true Tooya." she told me bitterly not breaking our stares. "I'll grant your wish."  
  
My eyes widen in shock and my excitement was so hard to hide with this new revelation. My heart was pounding so hard with gladness and hope. The last time I actually felt this excited was when Mikagi was defeated and all was peaceful. This time. it repeated itself by granting me this fancy. could Ceres be telling the truth?  
  
I wished hard.  
  
Finally, I would be a real human being with a life to live with.  
  
"Yet I don't think the method we would be using may please you."  
  
This was no time to be thinking things over. I would shoulder everything. I would bear anything at all. "I'll do anything, I don't care."  
  
Ceres sighed then closed her eyes as if emphasizing the regret I would be feeling after the ritual, whatever it is.  
  
"How old is Aki?"  
  
"A year and three months," I answered proudly.  
  
"Do you love your son?"  
  
"More than anything else aside from Aya. They are both my life." I replied truthfully.  
  
"Aki is your life indeed," she returned quite gloomily, "and I'm afraid he's the only one who could make your existence possible."  
  
I blinked for a couple of times trying to ponder her words. Thinking it all over, it didn't seem to have any sense at all. I can't make out its connection but it certainly scared me. I didn't answer back.  
  
"Sacrificing Aki is the only way--"  
  
"Aki?!" a female voice exclaimed from behind us.  
  
Blag.  
  
I spun around and saw Aya fell to her knees, crying.  
  
Hard.  
  
It was sorrowful.  
  
"Sacrifice Aki to grant Tooya a life of a real mortal man?!" Aya exclaimed hysterically, avoiding herself from showing her tear stained face.  
  
How come I always cause her tears? How come I'm always the reason of her sufferings? Can't I just make her happy, by just being me? Feeling lost and scared, I approached her and wrapped my arms around her, replacing her confusion with warmth.  
  
"I know there are other ways, Ceres. Just tell me it's not the only solution!" Aya begged tightening her grip to my shirt.  
  
Ceres shook her head. "Understand this, both of you, in a week starting from today, Tooya would be leaving this earth forever. I know this is a tough decision but it is already final."  
  
Aya cried some more. She was trembling so hard but I wasn't able to do something to comfort her at least. Why am I so pathetic? After a couple of minutes, Ceres sighed.  
  
"I'll come back exactly one week, Tooya," she turned around with her back facing us, "decide now. It's now or never."  
  
The cold breeze entered the room once more and together with its disappearance, Ceres was long gone. By the time, Aya was starting to calm herself down. Her puffy red eyes greeted me sorrowfully and my heart was shattered into tiny little pieces by her false smile. In spite of all that, I threw her a wistful look as a reassurance. I led her to the crib afterwards.  
  
She embraced Aki.  
  
"Mama. ma-ma!" he spoke with pure innocence and delight. How could I take his life for my own convenience? Why should I take him away from this world he should be enjoying throughout his lifetime?  
  
Watching them squeezed my heart. How was I supposed to decide? One week. for just one week?!  
  
This is nothing but lies.  
  
---oOo---  
  
That night, Aya was unusually quiet. She kept on baby-sitting Aki, showering him with a thousand kisses. Aya kept on smiling but her eyes weren't. I could see right through her. I knew she was really bothered and afraid but she was still trying her best to stay strong. I just know it!  
  
"Aya-"  
  
"You want this toy Aki?" she ignored as she pointed towards a toy duck on the floor. "Here baby!"  
  
So okay, she's been ignoring me. But I don't blame her one bit for treating me this way. I don't have the privilege. How could a pathetic man like me treat Aya like this?  
  
Losing hope, I entered our bedroom, laid down slowly on bed then closed my eyes wishing hard that everything's just a mere illusion created by my mind. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, this is still the truth I couldn't escape. Knowing it made me hate myself even more.  
  
I was wrong thinking that resting would tear me away from the bitter reality. I can't even stay still or even think of happy thoughts. I felt that my mind was tired but it just won't give up. Its been hours but here I am, in the middle of the night, wide awake. Later, I heard the mournful cry of Aya. I covered my ears, afraid of the aching feeling it brought to me. Still, the excruciating pain of my soul wasn't healed. It kept on hurting.  
  
By the time she stopped, my burden built up even more. After a while, I felt a tear against my hand. I wasn't aware that my eyes were also tired of holding back these tears from falling. I felt terrible! Nevertheless, I cried silently avoiding the vulnerability to be traced in my face.  
  
A couple of minutes more, when the moon was entirely covered by the dark clouds, I heard Aya entered the room. I didn't dare greet her nor to talk to her because I know that it'll only break into a desperate cry. Despite of that, I continued on perceiving her presence and not long after that, she laid beside me. She was controlling her sobs but it was still too obvious that she's been trying hard not to let the tears roll down her cheeks.  
  
"Tooya?" she called, almost pleading and unsure. She sounded so confused, so miserable but I didn't answer her cries, afraid to show my weakness. She waited for a bit more but no respond came out my lips. I felt her small body shifted to the other side making my back face hers.  
  
"Tooya.. I'm scared." she mumbled between sobs. I wanted to hold her face and hold her tight in my arms at that moment but I couldn't. "I can't live without you or Aki," she continued a little softer this time. "By the stroke of midnight, there would only be six days. please, don't leave me alone, Tooya, Aki." she cried some more covering her face with the blanket. How can I not tell? I've memorized each detail about her, her hair, her smile, her eyes, her gestures. the whole Aya I'm in love with. "It would be okay if I'll be the one who would leave this place instead of the both you," she followed ever so slowly that actually surprised me. I was about to react to that one but fortunately, I was able to hold myself down. Suddenly, her voice faded away and I knew from the start that she had finally fallen asleep-crying.  
  
Now's the time to comfort her. The time when you cannot see, hear or feel. I felt so stupid not showing her what I really feel inside but she's all I've got! I can't possibly show her my helplessness since it would only increase her loneliness. I don't want to leave her side no matter what. that may be the main reason why I don't want to admit that I was dying right before her, face to face.  
  
I held her hand then placed it before my chest.  
  
"Feel my heartbeat. feel my presence. I'm still here, I'm still alive and would continue on living for you." I paused wiping away my tears on my cheeks. "I'll be by your side. We'll live together, we'll grow old together and we will die together. listen Aya, our heart's the key." I bent down and gave her a kiss o the cheek. Up to this point, she wasn't smiling.  
  
---oOo---  
  
The white roses I've gathered six days ago was withering away slowly. It's eleven o'clock and Aya and Aki's playing together. Aki looked so happy. How could a young one be so happy at the day of his own death?! I am so sorry. I don't know what else to do but I should live. call me selfish or anything but I still want to feel Aya's touch and to feel the happiness of being a man.  
  
That night, I was left outside, staring at the wide dark starless sky until Ceres finally calls me. Aya was with Aki inside our room. They were having the last moment of their lives and I bet, Aya's been crying every minute just staring at his face and caressing him gently and protectively. The both of us haven't talked for a while and Yuhi, together with Suzumi, seemed to be a little worried about our present situation. It wouldn't be healthy for the both of us besides, should this be the best time for us to be bonding together as if death was nothing into separating our family?  
  
I sighed then remembered an episode in my life.  
  
A couple of nights ago, Ceres had been visiting me in a form of a dream. She was telling me to go at the very place where we had shared a conversation at the stroke of midnight. I knew she had a lot of things to say but her image was always swallowed by darkness, little by little.  
  
"Sacrifice one." would always be her last words and thinking of what she meant by that brings me migraine. Was she visiting Aya as well? I wanted to ask her directly but I was just too afraid to confront her. I was really scared, a coward if you prefer. What irony.  
  
Afterwards, I've opened my eyes, exactly five minutes before twelve. I breathe the last air I would be tasting then exhaled it together with the tension building up inside of me. I stood up from the couch then walked away towards the meeting area with a heavy feeling. She has been calling me but the voice was faint and slow. I can't even tell if it was Ceres or Aya calling out to me but in spite of that, I kept on walking then heard this soft cries from Aki. I hurried my steps this time. As I stood before the shoji door, I began to have short breaths and then, I pushed the door sideways only to see.  
  
Only to see.  
  
Aya.  
  
"Aya?! What are you doing?" I asked as I walked towards her way. At the same moment, Aki started on crying even harder making me attend to his needs first before Aya's. I approached the baby but my eyes and my full attention was still focused to Aya. A wave of terror swept my whole body all of a sudden. I was left, standing there, unable to control my very own body. I was just looking at the image of Aya, bent down on the floor with her back facing me.  
  
Ceres appeared in front of me. It surprised me so much that I jerked away.  
  
"I will give your life back--" Ceres said.  
  
"Tooya." Aya finished at the same time Ceres vanished from my sight. I was panicking. I don't know how to start the ritual until a blinding light distracted me. It was the reflection of the light coming from the sword I was using at the time of war. Aya was holding it. Her arms were outstretched as tears continued on falling down her eyes.  
  
"Tooya."  
  
"Aya!!!" I grimaced as I saw her stabbed her own heart, in front of me! She was lying down on the floor. I approached her together with Aki. She was bleeding hard. She was smiling though, smiling as if the pain was nothing. But aside from that, she was also crying. Tears overflowed her eyes.  
  
I knelt down then gripped her fragile hand. "Aya!"  
  
She gave me a faint smile as she wiped away my tears. She looked at Aki then turned her gaze to me.  
  
"Tooya. the sword saved you again." she mumbled weakly. I cursed myself. It truly saved my life but it took Aya's instead! My life was spared but not Aya. My Aya!  
  
I held her hands as I cried in front of her. I wasn't ashamed.  
  
"Why did you do this Aya?!" I shrieked. Aki, on the other hand, was crying as well. He didn't have the slightest idea on what was happening but in spite of his ignorance, he still cried his heart out.  
  
Aya smiled regardless of the overflowing tears.  
  
"You're angry at me, right?"  
  
I nodded. That was all that I could muster to do at the moment. "But in a way I don't," I followed after a couple of minutes. "God! Aya! What have you done to yourself?"  
  
I noticed Aya's expression. It was painted in her face so clearly. There was no reflection of regret in her feature. She even looked happy ad satisfied.  
  
"How could you try kill yourself just like that?! What's the point of doing all of these?! How am I suppose to live on now that you're gone?! Tell me Aya, tell me!!!" I moved closer to her face, meaning to give her another kiss-the final one.  
  
"No, of course everything that I have done has a purpose and no, I don't regret anything at all because."  
  
"Because." her fading voice repeated. She's really weak and she was already losing color because of the large amount of blood she's losing.  
  
"Because of what Aya?"  
  
Her hand slipped from mine.  
  
"I love you."  
  
I wasn't expecting that, that would be her last words. Often times, I hear it straight from her but how come I've only realized the true meaning of it this late? Why did I even taken her words for granted? Now that she's gone, the value of her words, love and devotion vanished together with it. why this late?!  
  
I fell to my knees then clenched my fist as I hid my face to the shadow of my own wretch and anger. I placed my hand on my chest and felt my heart beating.  
  
"I am alive but what's the use of it now?"  
  
Tooya!  
  
"Living without life."  
  
Tooya!  
  
"Existing but with no one to live for."  
  
Tooya!  
  
"A life without Aya. it's not worth it. I want to disappear!"  
  
Tooya!  
  
I glanced to my side, trying to perceive something that was unknown. I don't know what happened exactly but suddenly it struck me that someone dear was calling me from somewhere unknown. I know it was even stupid to think that way but I still believed. The voice was the faintest of all sounds I have ever heard yet, I could still sense its presence. It was so clear and beautiful. I stood up and searched for the source of the voice amidst this darkness I was in to. I was walking for so long after that but I didn't mind, it doesn't matter. My feet were hurting yet for some reason, I tried to ignore it and went on when I tripped.  
  
Tooya!  
  
I was losing hope. there's no more left for me to do. I've got nothing. not even Aki. I am such a weakling, a useless man! So vain, so insensitive.  
  
"Tooya!"  
  
The voice called again. It was from behind. My legs may be weak but because of this encouraging voice calling after me, it somehow gathered some energy and was able to spun around together with my forced will.  
  
I looked straight ahead then I met an angel enveloped by a bright light. It was warm and inviting. I wanted to reach out for it, hold it near! I wanted to grasp the hope I left in the cruel reality but the angel forbid me. Tears were now welling up in my eyes about to burst! I can't believe an angel could still rub me out from the happiness I've always longed for.  
  
"Why. why wont you let me?" I asked desperately closing my eyes tight.  
  
I could sense the fading light that led me to witness this sweet angel who could consent me with real happiness.  
  
"Aya?!"  
  
"Tooya."  
  
My eyes widen in shock. Soon, my hand was actually reaching out for her. She was so close still, I wasn't able to taste the touch of her skin no matter how hard I tried. I attempted hard but nothing enabled me. Just as I was about to give up, she stretched hers then held my hand lightly as if it wasn't really there but still, I could feel the warmth of it just like Aya's usual touch and embrace.  
  
"Don't lose hope now that I'm gone. Keep on believing and remember Aki, the fruit of our love. Tooya, listen, you're not alone. you were never alone." she assured sweetly. I wanted to believe everything that she had said but without her, words are still worthless.  
  
"Then, could I ask a kiss from you, the last one? I just want to remember how it feels to be breathing the air that you breathe. The touch of your hand and the warmth of your lips." I hoped crawling my way towards her.  
  
"I'm afraid I can't grant you what you ask for. I'm sorry."  
  
My tears fell down without me realizing it. Why was she being like that? So unfair? What have I done wrong for her to act this cold? Was sacrificing her own self made her this way? Thousands of questions went storming in my mind. I was going crazy.  
  
"Why are you doing this to me?! Why did you even sacrificed yourself?! It's only killing me more. it's even worst than dying!" I paused then wiped my tears away. " I might as well kill myse-"  
  
Aya cupped my cheeks just then. She held it so gently, silencing me completely. Yet, instead of comforting me, it brought more sufferings after realizing that this touch would be the last time. there would be no more Aya in my life.  
  
"I knew all along that you wouldn't be taking Aki's life, all this time," she started and I was surprised by her statement knowing that it was the sole truth. I tried to hide it but perhaps, nothing could slip by that easily from her. "You wouldn't because of your love for him and I know that you are not selfish," she paused, "a couple of days ago, Ceres visited me in a form of a dream. She was telling me that I could save your life by sacrificing my life instead of Aki's. It's all about sacrifice." she explained. It cleared my mind in an instant. So that's what it meant, the reoccurring dream.  
  
"Even still! This is not right!" I exclaimed hysterically without thinking.  
  
"But Tooya, I'm happy. I'm happy being able to save your life in the end," she said quietly catching my attention. "I'm happy that the both of you are safe and under my guidance. please Tooya, allow yourself to exist with pure happiness. Break free from your chained heart." she went on caressing me this time. She leaned her head near my ear and whispered the agonizing yet tender words of I love you.  
  
"Let live forever," she smiled-a pure smile I thought she had long forgotten, "Tooya."  
  
And then, the darkness I've always known to be forever there disappeared as it opened a passageway towards the light-the light towards the future of a man named Tooya.  
  
-End-  
  
Disclaimer: Okay. Alright. Ayashi no Ceres' not mine. WWWHHHAAA ! ! !  
  
Author's note:  
  
Well, an installment by yours truly. well, I know it was kinda long and maybe boring but I had fun doing it nevertheless. I loved the first part most especially. I don't know what happened but suddenly, I lost my imagination bringing out an ugly ending. whatdya think?  
  
Anywayz, if you have noticed, Aki disappeared in the scene. Well, the scene in the last part was taken place in another dimension. I have intended that so the part would be nothing but pure drama but I failed to explain his blackout (Tooya's blackout) clearly so sorry for that. if you have question regarding the story, feel free to ask me. I would love to hear your comments!  
  
Anywayz, hope you enjoyed it as much as I have enjoyed writing this one. an well, for the grammar? As I've said, I'm not a grammar freak so a lot of the statements above may be redundant or just wrong. but I still hope you understand since I'm not very particular to that kind of things. well, guess that's it for now!  
  
Man! Don't you think Watase-sensei's so great?! 


End file.
